British Decorum and the Royal Wedding

By his own admission, Mr. Foster is a Maitre’d of the very highest calibre, offering service at the most sophisticated occasions on high society’s social calendar. Now in an exclusive interview with The Comedy Waiter, Mr. Foster addresses the nation with his views on the forthcoming Royal Wedding.

Mr Foster the Maitre’d of the Showwaiters

What will you and your staff be doing on the morning of the royal wedding?

This of course will be a big day for us, so much so that one of my staff has already fainted twice. In order to keep a level of calm we will wake at 5am and march the route the Royal wedding procession will take; avoiding any over excitement upon witnessing the real event.

Where will you be on the big day?

We are fortunate to have an observation spot behind the VIP seating stand. I’ve been reassured we will have a great view of the procession.

There seems to be a lack of interest from the British people. What are your views on this?

I would gently like to remind the public that we are in fact British and not Bolsheviks.

What do you think is missing from this royal occasion?

There seems to be a lack of bunting present on the streets of the country. In order to maintain this true British gala tradition Mr McCamley has been attempting to make the countries longest bunting, he is however struggling to find enough rope and we are urging the public to donate any spare cord they have.

How do you feel about the government’s insistence on the Great British Public partying in the streets?

It’s not insistent enough; although they must ensure there’s enough tables and chairs.

Have you ever personally provided service for royalty?

As of yet no, but we’ve had many dry runs for when the occasion arises. I’ve role played the part of all the monarchs so that my staff are prepared and ready to go.

Have you offered your services to Prince William and Miss Middleton?

We have offered our services to the royal household, however due to the financial cut backs they’ve only requested Miss Mikk for duty on the evening before the wedding. I was unhappy about this and politely declined.

What could you and your staff bring to the occasion?

A solid anchor of British decorum.

With regards to the post ceremony dinner what advice would you give to Prince William and his finance Miss Middleton?

Under no circumstances must there be disco dancing.

What do think about the American people’s fascination with Britain’s first family?

Americans often ask my staff and I about our British way of life. I’m currently creating an information handout for the American people called ‘How to maintain a monarchy’ , Miss Wilder has been helping with the colouring in.

I believe the story of Prince William and Miss Middleton has been made in to a picture for television. How do you feel about this?

I find this very encouraging, so much so that the waiter who works the hardest this year will be allowed to watch half of the broadcast as a reward.

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One Response to British Decorum and the Royal Wedding

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